So trying to cry silently sucks, lol! I know that I'm simply overly emotional right now, but normally I have someone (a roommate, boyfriend, or close friend) to cry with. Right now I feel so alone. It's not homesickness - no, being at home might possibly be worse. It's just that emptiness of knowing that one would really notice or care if I wasn't around. I had it at home too.
God has been more than faithful these past few weeks. I have a place to stay for now, a wonderful job starting in a few weeks, and a ton of people who ask me to hangout pretty much every night. When I see what God has done, I wonder how it is I can feel even the slightest bit sad for myself....
The thing that has been on my heart the most these past few days is the possibility of having a CityLife team built around me, which really means that at least two to four people I meet down here would be willing to commit to seeking God with me for one or two years. We would need to live near each other or with each other and commit to reaching out to our neighbors and coworkers.
The prospect both excites me and freaks me out. On one hand, I love the idea of seeing God move in such a powerful way. The fact that God would work out a team of people in just a month or two would be amazing! And it would be awesome to be on a team with people who were in the same place of life as me! But at the same time, I'm freaked out about this possibility of starting a new team when I haven't met one woman who's been seriously interested. And the fact that we would have to live with or near each other is overwhelming! I don't even have a permanent place to live.
I would love to be on John and Beth's team too, but it would be really different. Most of their friends are married and don't go out at night. They are older and settled in their way of life - I mean even though they are in their late 20s, they don't go on facebook more than once a week! Honestly, I don't know how to relate to them. I feel so awkward and out of place even with the single women. It probably doesn't help that they all are about 5"7', weigh 110lbs, dress in the latest fashions and are mostly from the South (South=Texas - because it is -contrary to popular belief down here, haha). I feel like I'm just starting to decode their culture, and it will take years to understand them not to mention be their friend. How does an awkward, chubby, recent college grad from the suburbs of Philly who lived in Amish country for the past five years merge into this culture of beauty and materialism? I guess that will be a show of God's power as well!
That is the nice thing about possibly starting a new team. The people i've met are more like me. Oh, they are still gorgeous and not at all awkward, but most of them have just moved here from the north, many of them are still trying to figure out what kind of job they want, and several don't have a permanent place to live yet. Like I said before (I think in another post), these people make me feel like I belong here - a sense of coming home.
So if you've gotten this far into my blog of ranting on and on, could you keep me prayer? Could you pray that God would raise up people in Austin who would commit to loving Jesus with me and living near or with me? And if it is God's will to be on this other, ready made team, that He would help me understand and love them. And that I would find a cheap place to live.....
God Bless
